If you read last week’s blog, you know we are opening more Boundaries classes. You also know how changes are difficult, even when you take the time to practice. Here’s another point. Setting boundaries will end some relationships as we know them. This hurts and you have to give yourself time to grieve. Unlike a microwave that’s instantaneous; grief is more like an oven where it takes time to fully work the pain out.
Some of these endings may be permanent. But in my experience, some of these relationships do come back. The key is to make them healthy…NOT to back slide into what they were like before. This is where the real joy comes in. The rewards of re-creating healthy relationships, along with the new ones you’ll start, far out-weigh the angst. And you might find some surprises along the way.
For example, in 2015 (before Boundaries) I took a class called “Insane Productivity.” One assignment was to determine my three core values using a Value Assessment worksheet.
What do I value the most? For me, it came down to these three…Faith, Integrity and Teamwork.
- Hebrews 11.1 says “Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.” People who don’t believe this are ‘complainers.’ Therefore, in order to have faith, you need to stop listening to the complainers.
- Integrity is to do what you commit to, even after the mood has left you. Now I know I’ve talked about saying “yes” – only to regret it. This is different. This is a commitment you want to do but your interest in following through has waned.
- And there’s no “I” in Teamwork. When we work together, we accomplish so much more in less time, plus it’s much more fun.
In order to be friends with me, we have to align on two of the three listed above. It doesn’t matter which two, it just has to be at least two. What I didn’t realize at that time was that I was in fact setting boundaries! This was a framework and participating in Boundaries helped me to implement it into my life.
Now I mentioned above, doing this does end some relationships. However, I’m finding some of them are coming back – but with a difference. Because I know how to communicate and follow through on my boundaries upfront, these “renewed” relationships are now healthy!
You too may be trying to set boundaries without knowing it. As always, if you’d like to know more about this class, you can contact me here. Just be prepared to have your questions answered with a question. The idea is to help you self-discover the answers to your questions…and I’m here to help.