Last week, I showed how seeking the best outcome helps you develop your leadership skills by removing the block to take action. Here are two more “ahas” from the Global Leadership Summit. The first is “How are you with allowing others to help you?” The second: “How comfortable are you with saying nothing?”
Months ago I shared how one of the boundaries I had not established was the ability to say “no.” For most of my life, I did things people requested because I had the disease to please. If you haven’t seen this one or would like to review it, click here. You’ll see why it’s not only OK, but sometimes even more appropriate to say “no” at certain times. And let’s take this one step further.
I was also afraid to ask others to help me. Maybe you feel this was too – that you don’t want to “bother” people? Personally, I found asking for help was even harder than saying “no.” Then, a few years ago I learned that people do want to help. I was afraid to ask and in doing so, learned that I was stealing their blessing by not accepting what they had to offer. Therefore another “aha” I gained from the Summit comes from Henry Cloud who stresses connect, connect, connect! The more I connect with people, the more comfortable I am with asking for help. What I practice is starting sentences with “I want” or “I would like;” then ask for it. Henry’s message to connect ties in with my boundaries journey. It makes my relationships better by establishing more trust.
The other game changer is the value of silence.
You’ve probably heard the adage – “silence is golden.” According to Juliet Funt, this means taking a minute to think…which can be very hard. In the past, my discomfort with silence made me respond immediately with what was on the top of my mind. Too often it got me in trouble! I had to learn that silence is OK. Now I practice the pause…think before I speak…then give an answer. It may take 24 hours or more to respond. Yet pausing before I speak has become a game changer for me.
If asking for help or taking a moment to be silent is as difficult for you as it was for me, let’s talk.
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